desequilibre | → ( cdc

[ His hand flexes. There's a twitching muscle in his cheek. How does he explain? How does he say that he isn't brave enough? ]

Not yet.

I want to. I'm just.

They want me to lead. [ A departure, maybe. This is a tangle in his head. He's still not thinking properly. ] The assessments. I passed, and they want me to lead, and if I do this wrong, Athos. If I disobey. If I step out of line, they could kill him all over again.

[ He is silent for a handful of moments, a sickening kind of horror lurching to life in his gut. He was afraid they would do something like this, ensnare d'Artagnan somehow. And while he's been doing his best to make him toe the line, now he has no choice. His father is alive. He knows he will never let them take him.

So he chooses to focus on something that is easier, something that he knows to be true without a doubt. ] They could not have chosen better. [ Squeezing his shoulder. ] You will be a good leader, d'Artagnan. Even Treville would have acknowledged that. There is none I would trust more with the recruits or none I would rather follow.

[ D'Artagnan must take up this position. It's the only way. He just has to make him believe in it. ]

[ That's the crux of it. He has to. He has to do it and do it well, and if he doesn't he'll watch his father die a second time. They haven't issued that threat, but it's as clear to him as if it's written in stone. They don't even need to go all the way back to Earth to hold a sword to his neck. They have that right here, at arm's reach.

He can't fail. He knows that Athos knows it too. ]

None? Even after what happened on Ajna, after I almost walked away? Only days ago I told you I didn't know if I could do this.

What if I was right, what if I can't? What if I lose my head again?

You won't. [ His hand moves to wrap around his neck, gentle and caring even though his expression remains all business. ] D'Artagnan, I trust you. I do not trust easy. But I do you. And I would bet my life upon the fact that I know you will survive. That you have the qualities and skills of a great leader. I've seen it, I've seen you.

[ Leaning in as close as he can. ] And you have me. You will always have me. If it gets too much to bear than let me take some of the load. I will not leave you to this alone.

[ His shoulders relax a little. His hands stay tight on Athos, though, and he leans in just as easily. He'd called him as soon as he'd gotten the message, knowing he couldn't deal with it on his own. He'd already been struggling here, already felt on the edge of something, after Ajna.

Now he can't be. He has to step up. He has to do what Armada told him to, he has to reconcile his priorities and do what he has to do.

He cannot disappoint. Not now. He can't afford to be reckless with his decisions because so many other lives hang in the balance. His world. His friends. Now, directly, his father. He cannot fail to protect him a second time. ]

You have your own burdens. You think I don't know them, but I do. You struggled with Ajna as much as I did.

I can't ask that of you. Yet I know I need you. I can't do this without you, any of it.

[ He almost smiles, it doesn't reach his eyes though, a brittle and broken thing. ] You don't have to ask anything of me. I will be there no matter what. [ Because d'Artagnan is his closest friend. D'Artagnan, who helped Athos revisit himself, who had a part in bringing him back to life. He owes him that life. ]

Together we can survive this. We can protect your father and keep the recruits safe. You will be a good leader, you have it in you. And they will trust you. That is something the CDC lacks.

[ D'Artagnan lifts his head, rolling his eyes a little. ]

What? Reckless stupidity?

[ Which, actually, is a sign that the panic has faded. Athos is so calm all the time that some of it has to transfer.

Besides that, he's right. There are the other recruits to think of, too. He'll have to be there for them. He'll have to be the stable one, for them.

Can he do that?

He really doesn't know. But he'll try. He can't let anyone down. Now more than ever. ]

I can't let my father die a second time, Athos. We have to leave this place one day, and take him home with us. I owe him that.

[ He pats his cheek with a rough fondness, some life creeping back in to the room. ]

Well, you will have me to temper that. I have practise now. It would be a shame to waste that.

[ He doesn't step away but he does let his hand move back to his shoulder. ] We will get out of this, we will take your father back to Paris. We just have to remain strong. And together we can.

[ He holds Athos' eyes, and eventually nods. He's right. Of course he's right.

They'll do this. He squeezes Athos' shoulder. ]

When I see him. If they allow it, will you come with me?

Of course.

[ Privately he's touched. This is what brought them together and now he will be there to see the next stage. ] Of course, d'Artagnan. Anything.

[ He doesn't feel brave enough.

But it's more than that. There's the thought, also, of them meeting. Athos, and his father. ]

Thanks.

[ He nods, and steps back, finally. ]

I'll ask if we can.

Even if they say that we can't, I will find a way.

[ He will do whatever it takes to be there for d'Artagnan. Even if it means defying the instructors himself. ]

I will do whatever you need me to.

It's enough that you're here.

[ D'Artagnan looks up at him. There's a smile, this time, a gentle one. ]

That you came when I called. As soon as I called.

Thank you, Athos.

[ He's glad to see that smile, it settles something inside of him that he was not aware needed soothing. ]

As if I would be anywhere else. You are my family, d'Artagnan.

[ And it has been a long time since he was able to call anyone such. ]

[ He knows what saying that means to Athos. He'd lost his brother, lost his wife. Lost everything. D'Artagnan looks down. The smile hasn't gone away. ]

You're mine. That doesn't mean I can't be grateful.

Will you stay, awhile? I realise I just asked you to drop everything without...even asking if you were busy.

Yes, of course.

[ The air between them becomes a little less charged, but it remains close, the same way they are always close. D'Artagnan knows Athos will come when called. That is all that matters. ] You will be saving me from more brooding. I'm sure everyone will thank you for it.

[ D’Artagnan has to laugh at that. He steps back, finding a seat instead. He’s expecting Athos to do the same. ]

You can brood near me instead. What about you? You passed as well, didn’t you?

Yes. [ He sits and almost smiles. ] But I knew we would. We knew what we were doing. [ They've had the greatest of practise, after all. ] I wonder how the rest of our team faired. I suppose you will have to pay attention to that, now you are leader.

[ He already has, as a matter of fact. It reminds him of something else he needs to tell Athos. He's not sure how well this is going to be received. ]

Hanna passed. And Kyoya, they're both on our team.

So is Elena. [ And at this point, he casts a wary eye over his friend. ] Thought I'd best not let that be a surprise.

[ His expression scrunches up minutely, a shadow passing over his features. He still hasn't forgiven Elena for the way she manipulated d'Artagnan - and of course he sees it like that, he couldn't any other way.

At length. ] You'll be careful?

[ Because voicing his displeasure will do him no good. D'Artagnan will forgive her. Athos can keep an eye on her better from close quarters at least. ]

[ D’Artagnan nods easily. For him, there’d been nothing to really forgive. He doesn’t blame her for having a dangerous friend, who had disappeared at the same time as Aramis, anyway. He’s elsewhere now. And Elena’s alone, and she’s done more good for d’Artagnan than bad. ]

Of course. She’ll be the least of our problems, once we’re thrown into combat. Better that we have Hanna, though. At least if she gets in trouble, I’ll be there to help her.

[ He’d have worried, otherwise. ]

Hanna's a good person. [ He's just casually moving away from talk of Elena. There's little point arguing about her. Athos doesn't trust her but he trusts his friend. And now d'Artagnan knows everything, he can trust he will make the right choices. ]

But she needs guidance. I told her I'd train with her someday. Perhaps I can use this as an excuse.

She told me about that.

[ D’Artagnan’s smile comes easier now. He likes Hanna too. It’s good to find someone they agree on. ]

She seemed keen to learn. I told her you were the best swordsman I knew. You should do it. I think she’d be good once she knew how.

[ He dips his chin a little. D'Artagnan would do well to stop talking about Athos and his swordmanship. Then people seem to think that makes him a good man. ]

Perhaps I will. I have a spare sword.

[ They would be right to think so. ]

I know. The one I borrowed, to teach Rikki. You might as well get the use out of it.

→ ( cdc - ic contact )

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