desequilibre | → ( cdc

You would have stopped me. [ He says it like it is a joke but the truth wrings too close to the edges of his words. D'Artagnan would have stopped him, he would have made sure Athos could not have spoke to Armada. ]

I meant to, before we left. [ And they hadn't realised they were leaving at all. ] I did not get the time to.

That's my point.

[ Of course he would have stopped him. It was a stupid thing to do, stupid and reckless.

Thinking about it still makes him angry. ]

There's never enough time here. There wasn't before, there won't be now. I still struggle to believe we're back.

I wonder why they sent us back in the first place. [ This is easier ground, safer too. This has nothing to do with Athos and his undying emotion. ]

Was there a point to it? Or was it simply to show us they could? [ And that they had that much control. ]

[ D'Artagnan doesn't answer for a moment. He's been thinking about that too, turning it over in his mind.

They'd been home. He'd remembered nothing of this place. None of the people. Not even Ajna, which he had thought was burned into his mind for all time. ]

Are you so sure it was them?

[ That mist hadn't been normal. Something had been in it. His thoughts are organised enough by now to remember it. In fact, he's been thinking of it over, and over again, trying to make sense of it. Something had been in it.

Something with wings. ]

It wouldn't be the first time this camp's been invaded.

I don't know. [ He wishes he did know. He wishes he had the answers. He's once more stuck in a place that leaves him three steps behind and with his head spinning. How is he supposed to do any of this? How could he get them through this? ]

You think it wasn't them?

I don't know.

[ That's the simple truth. He doesn't know, and honestly, he doesn't think they would tell him if he asked. It'd just be something else they couldn't say. Or weren't allowed to say. ]

I think there's a chance. When the mist took you, did you hear something? Can you remember?

I thought I did. [ If he closes his eyes he can hear it. It's strange to think that by Macha's standards they have only been gone for a handful of hours, but to them it's been months. His memories are all jumbled up, frantic as they attempt to fit themselves into some sort of order. ]

So if not the CDC, then something else. And it took them months to bring us back. I wonder what could have that power. Surely not one of the crew, otherwise we would all have escaped long ago.

Months for us. Not months here.

[ Which is confusing in itself, but it's clear to him that from the CDC's perspective, they've been gone less than a day. Alina hadn't understood the strength of his relief to see her. ]

No recruit could have done that. It's either the Instructors, or someone from outside.

[ Which has implications in and of itself. He has the presence of mind not to voice those implications, knowing that someone might be listening in. ]

They were looking for us. [ D'Artagnan will know who he means. ] And yet we did not recall them once. Surely we should have? How could we have lived a life only to forget it so completely.

[ They were here for a reason, a mission. To know that could be so effectively hidden from their own minds sits wrongly with Athos. He had a hand in destroying so much and he could not remember it to atone for it? How is that right? How is that fair to the universe? ]

I don't know. I don't know, Athos. I've been trying to work that out myself.

[ And he hasn't been able to. The people here had come to mean so much to him. Alina. Jack. Clary. Hibari. Garrus. Yet he'd forgotten all of them, as easily as breathing. ]

And there's more. There's the loss of Ajna, there's everything that means. I forgot that. How could I forget destroying a planet, Athos? I thought I'd live with that guilt for all time, and I just forgot.

They scraped the memories from our heads, d'Artagnan. [ He hates it too, all he had done, all he had to fight for, it had been obliterated from his thoughts and nothing he could have done would have gotten it back. ]

We can't be blamed for that, surely. We had no control over it.

That's not the point.

[ It isn't. Ajna should be remembered, that's the point. And some things ought to be sacred. A man's guilt should not be so easily washed away.

Nor should his memories of those who have come to mean something to him. ]

Why do you think it didn't take the others? It was only us, that I've seen. I don't know of any other.

I don't know.

[ He sounds like a parrot repeating the same phrase over and over. He doesn't know and he doubts he ever will. The CDC like their secrets and if it were not them who sent the two home then they wouldn't broadcast it. ]

Had we done anything in particular the day before? Been anywhere we shouldn't? I do not recall.

Or been somewhere we should.

[ He pulls away from Athos' hands, pacing now. Moving, he needs to keep moving. ]

We need to find where that mist came from. And what was inside it. We need to find it and go into it again.

We've never seen anything like that before. How could we have a hope of finding it again?

[ He knows why d'Artagnan is so desperate to get back. He can't fault him. He's just afraid he will do something rash. ]

I don't know. But it can't have come from nowhere, Athos. Mist and smoke don't just appear, something causes them.

And I know I heard something inside.

[ Something more than just them, he means. Something that didn't belong. Something with wings. ]

Then we must find the source.

[ How difficult will it be, he wonders? How will they know where to start? The Instructors will not want them to find their way to it. But they must. It's not safe to discuss such things and he wracks his brain for a way of telling d'Artagnan that they'll talk further in person.

What was their code? It's been so long --. And then it hits him. ] Perhaps it was Cardinal Richelieu. [ He's talking nonsense but his friend is clever. ] He enjoys the supernatural.

[ D'Artagnan stares at his rover wall, confused. ]

What? What are you -

[ The Cardinal is dead, Athos, he wants to say. But Athos knows that. So instead it draws a different memory, one of a pact drawn up in a land of snow. That name had meant something different, then. He cuts himself off and nods.

Thank God they have each other. ]

No, you're right. He'd manage it even from the grave, I can see it now.

We should meet up later. [ His voice is soft and kind sounding and it feels as though it is scraped from him. Will either of them manage to get back a second time? He doubts it is in the cards for himself, he is the one who signed his life away.

And yet he managed it somehow. ]

[ They will. They have to. Constance is waiting, and he will not let her down. He will get back to her, and he will be at her side.

That is their future. It has to be. ]

Yes. Every day, Athos. We can't afford to lose touch here.

We won't.

[ As if he could ever let d'Artagnan be on his own throughout this. No, Athos will continue to be there like before despite how time has moved on. ]

Meet me at camp's edge later. We'll talk then.

I will.

[ The agreement is clear in his voice as well. Nodding to himself, d'Artagnan turns the Blackglass around, and hangs up the connection. They can leave their thoughts until they feel like they're alone. ]

→ ( cdc - ic contact )

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they are in their separate rovers for this thread son. GOING TO PRETEND THE MIDDLE BIT ISN'T THERE

Lmfao listen I confused it with the log thread all right

that's ok bro

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are you happy to handwave them meeting up?