[ His hand flexes. There's a twitching muscle in his cheek. How does he explain? How does he say that he isn't brave enough? ]

Not yet.

I want to. I'm just.

They want me to lead. [ A departure, maybe. This is a tangle in his head. He's still not thinking properly. ] The assessments. I passed, and they want me to lead, and if I do this wrong, Athos. If I disobey. If I step out of line, they could kill him all over again.