desequilibre | → ( cdc

FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org

The new recruits. Do you think she's among them?

Edited (look i mean the day of the drop log ok) 2015-03-28 17:52 (UTC)

FROM: athos@cdc.org

I doubt it. I spoke with Armada the last time we were here. She won't be among them.

[ Wait.

What? ]

FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org

What do you mean, you spoke with him? You asked him to keep her away?

FROM: athos@cdc.org

I did. I had no other choice. I meant to speak with you. Unfortunately there was not the time.

[ And he wasn't inclined. ]

FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org

I don't understand. They don't do that, they never do that.

FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org

Where has she gone?

FROM: athos@cdc.org

They sent her home. I made sure of that.

[ Now, he knows they don't do that. ]

FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org

Is that what they told you?

[ He wishes there were another way around this, he wishes it were easy. But back then he hadn't thought there would be a way to get home. Six months in France has changed his perceptions.

But he wouldn't change it. ]

FROM: athos@cdc.org

I made a deal. They are bound to it.

[ This...

This is far more than he imagined. He has no idea how Athos could have even made a deal. Wouldn't Milady have made her own, if she was there in the first place? So what could he have offered, what could he have given, that would have superseded her own service?

D'Artagnan has no love for her, but he knows her to be a lethal operative. They would have done well to keep her in their ranks, and they would know that. So what could have impelled them to let her go?

He starts to type a reply, and then in irritation discards it entirely. ]

CALLING: D'ARTAGNAN

What did you promise them? Tell me, Athos.

[ He feels himself pull back at the tone in d'Artagnan's voice, glad he is alone and no one can see the way a shadow falls over his face. His gloved hand comes to rub wearily at his forehead, a deep breath pulled into his lungs before he answers. ]

My life in exchange for hers. My servitude instead. I have taken on her contract in addition to mine.

[ This had been before she had even come back to his life. A sharp, short reaction that had made him change everything. And even now he cannot see another way. They would use her up, they would destroy her. ]

I had to, d'Artagnan.

[ His reaction is to freeze. It's like the cold is seeping through his bones, like he's back on the depths of Ajna. That seems so long ago now. More than a year since it ended, by d'Artagnan's new count.

How many years has Athos given up? A lifetime? Two lifetimes? D'Artagnan knows what this means.

He never means to leave. He means to stay in their service until he dies, to keep Milady from it. To keep her safe, even after all she's done, even though she's a liar and a cheat and Athos owes her nothing. He would do this, even so. ]

CALLING: DARTAGNAN

You had to? How did you have to? Did they ask it of you, demand it? For God's sake, Athos!

I won't let you do this. I won't let this be your life, not for all time.

CALLING: ATHOS

They did not ask it of me. [ His voice has gone flat and weaker than it ever has been. He didn't think he could tire of this place so quickly. D'Artagnan is angry, and rightfully so, but there is nothing he can do. Not now. ] It was the only thing I knew to offer.

They would have consumed her, d'Artagnan. No matter who she is or what she did, I owed her another chance at life. And I thought I had given that to her by banishing her from France. [ She'd come back. In Macha he hadn't been sure she ever would. He knows different now, knows she will return and become the mistress of the King, that she will not have her safe life. And yet he would not go back on it. ] I can't go back on it. I won't.

Edited (fuck) 2015-03-28 19:51 (UTC)

And what of you? What of your life? You can't mean to stay here.

[ Not here. Not doing what they do, not doing what they ask of him and will keep asking of him.

This is no place for a man like Athos. ]

What would you have me do, return to Treville and explain that I left the best of us behind me? You're mad.

I won't let you do it.

You have to. [ He sinks on to his bunk and buries his face in one hand, his voice muffled again when he speaks. ] You have to. You have so much ahead of you. [ He is not the best, there is nothing he can give the world. But d'Artagnan? ] You have a woman who loves you and a future within the Musketeers, a bright one, the best one.

And I agreed, d'Artagnan. I was the one who offered the trade. I cannot go back on that. And you will not try to help me. [ An exhale. ] I told you once that I would get you out of here. And I will. But I have made my decision.

[ That's all logical, reasonable, and very calm.

And it goes straight over d'Artagnan's head, because he is none of those things at the moment, and there is no part of him that can stomach the thought of Athos never leaving this place. He can't. ]

You are not staying here.

I swear to you, I will bring you home. I will bring both of us home, I will find a way. She already took your past from you. I will not let her take your future, too.

What part of willing do you not understand? [ His voice bursts out of him, his emotions surging as high as a wave. For a moment he cannot breathe, pushing back to his feet to pace the space inside of his rover. ]

If you try to save me from this then they will take you too. And it will all be for nothing. [ He isn't worth this belief, this faith. He would make sure d'Artagnan was safe with his dying breath. And Anne? Well he cannot deny he could do something of the same. ]

The only way we can do this is if we stop them altogether. [ He'd forgotten that they could hear every word he says until then. His frantic energy fades from his tone, his words falling into a hush. ] And you know we cannot.

[ Athos' words had been making him angrier. The fact that he kept saying he was willing. Then the infuriating part when he'd said that they will take you too, and it will all be for nothing. As if he had done this for d'Artagnan, and not for a woman who deserves none of his pity, and less of his sacrifice.

But then he talks of stopping the CDC, and d'Artagnan goes cold again. No, he thinks. They'll hear, they'll do you harm. We can't talk about it, not like that.

Thank God for those last five words. As a result of that scare, his reaction is more quiet than it would have been. Not less angry, but more quiet. ]

I've said my piece, Athos. I'm giving you my word. We will leave this place together in the end.

You're a fool if you thought I would ever leave you behind.

I had hoped. [ He says it weakly, self depreciation colouring his tone. ] But we both know that the things I wish for will never come true. It is just not the way.

[ He wishes d'Artagnan were with him right now so that he could see him, speak with him without worrying about their monstrous employers overhearing. He doesn't know what to do and coming back to all of this is overwhelming at best. ]

I did not do it to hurt you.

[ It is. And it's not as though the Paris they've left behind is peaceful. If they'd thought their troubles would end with the death of the Cardinal, they've had another thing coming.

All the more reason to ensure they go back. To Constance. To the King. To Aramis and Porthos, and to their duty. The King is already too much under Rochefort's influence. The Captain has lost his position. D'Artagnan's heart and mind are still there, still focused on that world, his own world.

That is as it should be. ]

No. You did it for her, even before you knew what would happen.

You could have told me before you did it.

You would have stopped me. [ He says it like it is a joke but the truth wrings too close to the edges of his words. D'Artagnan would have stopped him, he would have made sure Athos could not have spoke to Armada. ]

I meant to, before we left. [ And they hadn't realised they were leaving at all. ] I did not get the time to.

That's my point.

[ Of course he would have stopped him. It was a stupid thing to do, stupid and reckless.

Thinking about it still makes him angry. ]

There's never enough time here. There wasn't before, there won't be now. I still struggle to believe we're back.

I wonder why they sent us back in the first place. [ This is easier ground, safer too. This has nothing to do with Athos and his undying emotion. ]

Was there a point to it? Or was it simply to show us they could? [ And that they had that much control. ]

[ D'Artagnan doesn't answer for a moment. He's been thinking about that too, turning it over in his mind.

They'd been home. He'd remembered nothing of this place. None of the people. Not even Ajna, which he had thought was burned into his mind for all time. ]

Are you so sure it was them?

[ That mist hadn't been normal. Something had been in it. His thoughts are organised enough by now to remember it. In fact, he's been thinking of it over, and over again, trying to make sense of it. Something had been in it.

Something with wings. ]

It wouldn't be the first time this camp's been invaded.

I don't know. [ He wishes he did know. He wishes he had the answers. He's once more stuck in a place that leaves him three steps behind and with his head spinning. How is he supposed to do any of this? How could he get them through this? ]

You think it wasn't them?

I don't know.

[ That's the simple truth. He doesn't know, and honestly, he doesn't think they would tell him if he asked. It'd just be something else they couldn't say. Or weren't allowed to say. ]

I think there's a chance. When the mist took you, did you hear something? Can you remember?

Day 107

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject